Summer is practically here my friends. Even though in Washington State we are still subject to the moody weather that plagues us year-round, summer does mean more sun than usual. And in Washington when the sun comes out, no matter the circumstances, people go crazy. Spring quarter in college is impossible because all I really want to do is have fun in the sun, but then homework is a thing in my life too. And most importantly, I see more skin than any other time of the year. That’s right the second that big fiery ball in the sky graces Washington with it’s undivided attention the short shorts and sun dresses come out with it.
And then I’m in the corner like, “Oh hey sun, how’s it going. I’ve really missed you this year. Yeah, one small request bro. I don’t actually own any shorts and as much as I love it that you’ve come to visit for a few months if you could not make me over heat while wearing pants that’d be pretty cool.”
The suns reply? “Hahahahhahahahahahha. Nope.”
Some sunny days I can get away with wearing pants and be totally fine. Others all I want to do is wear shorts or a cute sun dress and not care about how fat my legs are! Is that too much to ask? I think not.
Basically my entire life I have been overweight. It’s not like this fat thing is new to me. I have had people look me up and down with disapproving faces. I’ve been the butt of the joke in elementary, middle, and high school. Shopping was (and still sometimes is) way harder than it should be. I remember my mom used to get so mad at me because I always got frustrated while we were shopping. I got frustrated because everything that fit looked like something only an old lady would wear. I got annoyed because it was near impossible to find a pair of jeans that fit me properly. I hated that every other girl my age had seemingly endless options for what they could wear and my options came from the same one or two stores. Going to the doctor was a joke. One time I went in for a routine check up with a new doctor when I was sixteen. He told my mom and me that he would like to draw blood to test for diabetes. When my mom and I left the doctor’s office I looked right at her and told her there was no way I was getting my blood drawn. I understand that diabetes are more of a risk in overweight individuals, but never in my life have I ever shown symptoms for diabetes. Literally the only reason he had for testing me was my weight.
It’s taken me a while to feel comfortable in the body I have and if I’m honest with myself I am still not fully there. Since starting college, however, I’ve started to realize I need to stop judging myself on other’s peoples standards and start viewing myself with God’s standards. The truth of the matter is God cares more about if I am seeking after Him and doing His will than how much I weigh.
It’s been a long, treacherous journey, but I have come to realize that I am a beautiful daughter of God. Maybe this summer I’ll even wear shorts.
And just for funsies a picture of one of my housemates and I at one of our first barbecues of the season. Big, Blonde, Beautiful, and Happy:)